Life Style Hacker

Love grows and all growth requires time. Love means different things to different people depending upon their background and experience and it has various meanings at different periods of life. In romantic love the love into which we fall; it is the love that tends upon and over into marriage is a centering of attention on the other person as a focus of biological urges and a means of relief from biological tension.
What usually happens in love at first sight is that the couple is strongly attracted to each other perhaps infatuated from the very beginning. The love at first sight may also be compulsive in nature. The individual has a strong urge to love someone and this urge becomes focused on a particular person. Such love may also be an outgrowth of an individual’s feeling of inferiority or his fears that because of personal unattractiveness or inability to meet members of the opposite sex he may never marry.
Love grows out of an appraisal of all known characteristics of the other person. Infatuation may arise from an acquaintance with only a few or only one of these characteristics. Love tends to idealization but because the ideal is partly an outgrowth of understanding of and appreciation for other person it may be checked against reality without loss. Love tends to be constant.
Dating and courtship are two stages in the process of maturing a process of experimentation and education in heterosexual association. In the courtship stage one no longer is dallying playing the field. One or both of a couple have narrowed the field down to one that is desired intended or agreed to be a future marital partner. Maturity is important for success in marriage. Those who marry after the teens have fewer divorces and happier marriages.

Dating is a friendly term donating several contact with companions of the opposite sex increased range of contacts, multiplication of social engagements companionship with a minimum of parental influence. Many anthropologists are impressed by dating as competitive effort toward attracting desirable members of the opposite sex to participate in a light-hearted game of pretended love.
Psychologists stresses such dating functions as acquiring broader experience attaining poise experience in adjustment reduction of tension with the opposite sex enrichment of personality acquiring prestige enjoyment of recreation understanding of the opposite sex and preparation for mate choice.
The Waller theory lays stress on the fact that with the decline of formal courtship procedure and delay in marriage the contact of young people is aim-inhibited. For boys especially there is a period of dalliance prior to serious prospects of marriage. This viewpoint assumes that the only aim in dating behavior is a pursuit of exotic thrills and ego satisfactions from success in attracting the opposite sex. Fraternity or sorority membership and superficial materialistic values strongly influence rating-dating status.
Dating sharpens awareness of the double burden placed on the male of both girl attracting and girl supporting. Sooner or later most males learn that there is a differential price for association with a companion of the opposite sex as compared with the companion of the same sex which he must be prepared to pay.
The special attitudes of the young girl toward dating behavior in addition to one of responsibility for moral control include a vague awareness of the woman problem in terms of reproduction and work function. This problem would first appear in choosing between traditional femininity and work competence.
Romance as a means to marriage is on the average more important to girls than boys. By marriage a woman can obtain from a man not only companionship but economic and social advantages for the rest of her life.

The parent image-desire to find in the mate a substitute for the loved parent is strong. Parent substitute is probably the normal and most dependable form of love choice. Respect and affection must be carried over from the parent child relation. Any very close resemblance of the mate to the parent is likely to involve other attitudes which are destructive of marital relationship. The dependent type of love choice is clearly based upon a carryover of attitudes toward the parent. In this type of love choice one person constantly looks to the other for guidance help or support such a person makes no decisions and assumes no responsibilities.
The concept of ideal mate changes and grows with the maturing of the subject. It tends to reflect cumulatively the maturity of the young person his experiences and his present values. The ideal image in childhood closely resembles the parent of the opposite sex. Later parent image is over laid with the images of one’s heroes. Hours of fantasy in adolescence magnify the ideal image so vividly that for some imaginative adolescents the physical features and appearance take form as well as his mental temperamental moral and social characteristics. Only in a minority of cases does the person fall in love with and marry his dream mate.
Personality needs and mate choice-these come to the fore in the late stages of courtship when potential partners get to know each other better and operate in combination with the images of parent and ideal mate to further a love relation. That process of mate selection is most successful which matches individuals with complementary needs for as one psychologist puts it ‘we fall in love with those whom we need to complete ourselves emotionally. The wish list included ‘someone to love me’ or ‘someone to stimulate my ambition’ and so on. The list of needs both sexes hoped to have satisfied in marriage involved someone to show my affection, respect my ideals, appreciate what I wish to achieve, understand my moods, help me to make important decisions, look up to me, give me self confidence etc.

During the years of dating and courtship and especially during engagement and the first years of marriage emotional adolescence normally ends and emotional maturity is achieved. The young couple learns to cope with the insecurities and anxieties resulting from the emotional readjustments they must make.
The economic side of life is one of the seven areas in which married couples must reach workable agreements. A study of a great many marriages has revealed that in all marriage sooner or later problems arise concerning money. The other areas upon which couple must reach agreement are in-law relationship, sex relationship, social relationships, social activities and recreation, associating with friends, religious life and training and disciplining of children. It takes certain definite lengths of time to reach working arrangements in different areas of living. As adjustments begin to evolve it is accompanied with emotional maturity in the couple towards life. Happily married couples work toward co-operation in all areas of living. A happy marriage is an accomplishment; it is not presented as a gift with the wedding.
Desire for lifelong friendship and companionship in man and woman also accounts for the indispensability of family. Man by nature needs the company of woman and vica-versa. Man is the breadwinner in the family and the woman keeps the home. Man goes out to earn livelihood leaving his children behind him under the care of his wife. The family thus constitutes a unit of production and consumption and provides for a rational division of work. This also leads to the strengthening of family life.
Family life is also necessary for perpetuating the race. Certain social considerations like pride of race desire to transmit property and name religious belief are also contributing factors leading to family life. It takes two parents. Fathers are just as important as mothers to children. Responsibilities makes the man mature after marriage.

The central question posting the best minds is whether the resources of the earth are sufficient to maintain its population. In the past there have been leaders who advocated family planning to the countrymen It is true that responsible parenthood involves the planning of births and bringing up of children based on ethics. Enlightened leaders like Mahatma Gandhi, Acharya Vinoba Bhave or Paul VI were in favor of self-control rather than birth control methods.

If we look around the land there are many places where the population pressure on the land resources is in extreme, but it cannot be denied that nature has also its ways of limiting or reducing human fertility and population number.

According to the 1971 census the absolute population of India was 547 million yet India has considerably increased since then. The census survey shows whether the population is increasing or decreasing. It reveals whether social conditions are improving or growing worse. It tells which industries are advancing and which are slowing up. Census helps government in making laws, and it helps business, social and economic interests in conducting their affairs and making their plans. A large population usually means a low standard of living. A country is over populated or under-populated in relation to its area, resources, and the utilization. At the present stage of her economic development there is little doubt that India is over-populated.

India is not only already over-populated but there is also a strong tendency towards further accentuation of over-population. The high birth rate and declining death rate has consequent effect on the growth of population. The limitation of the size of families in the West and China has been the main factor at work in keeping down the numbers. A network of family planning clinics may be set up all over the country and thus knowledge about the use of methods of birth control be disseminated.

While a country wide campaign for family limitation is essential and fundamental yet it will have effect only after more than a generation.